. Okay, I took a peek on Amazon, because STRANGE BREW will be released tomorrow, and it is NUMBER ONE in fantasy anthology sales!!!!
WOO HOOO!!!!
Now the Amazon sales rank doesn't mean much, 'cause it changes all the time, but it sure did my heart good to see it in the #305 slot for overall book sales today.
I'm delighted to see my previous collections (Supernatural Wedding & Honeymoon) are still up there in #7 and #22 spots for fantasy anthologies. YAY!!
I sent a guest blog on STRANGE BREW over to my agent just a little bit ago. If and when she posts it, I'll put up a link.
I've been REAL BUSY, but I'll be posting an excerpt from my story up on the vampwriter website soon. I'll link to it when that happens.
You'd think my abused digestive tract would be safe if I stick to frozen meals. Pricy, but cheaper than eating out. Just nuke them and chow down, right?
Not always. Over years of trial and more trial, I've determined that Banquet's roast beef dinner smells worse than canned dog food.
Since what smells good tastes good, that means canned dog food is tastier than a Banquet roast beef dinner.
I had such a frozen dinner-- cooked it, smelled it, and tossed it. Fortunately, before eating.
This is a telling point: my dogs came sniffing, they usually do when I'm in the kitchen, then ran outside, tails tucked when they got a whiff.
Oh, yeah, baby, that meal went to the local landfill. Hopefully it's not as bad for the environment than old lithium batteries, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. Well, actually I did while the thing was cooking, but the kitchen's aired out now.
I've tried the packaged mashed potatoes in the meat section, (yuk) and know better than to try the rest of the stuff that company produces. Healthy Choice ain't too bad, but their desserts suck, so I stick with their smaller boxes of processed junk. Hungry Man dinners are what Banquet USED to be, but I hate their side effects, which includes the spontaneous sprouting of a single chest hair between my otherwise magnificent, Dawn French-style bosoms. (Tweezers mitigate that, thankfully.)
If things keep up in this direction--me gagging on my own cooking and unable to nuke anything more complicated than tomato soup--I danged well better get used to cold sandwiches or earn enough so I can eat out all the time.
Or, as described in my last post, persuade a few cabana boys to come take over my kitchen.
Tonight I tried a "turkey filet mignon." It looked okay on the box, though I was fully aware that Photoshop might have been involved.
The mignon did NOT function as described in the cooking directions I memorized. The beef version--which I didn't get 'cause red meat ain't all that good for me--will turn over and cook. I've seen it on TV.
This poultry version hit the heat just fine, but the second I tried to turn it on end to cook the bacon...well, it kind of freaked out, *disintegrated,* and scattered to hell and gone, madly skating over sizzling extra virgin olive oil.
Spitter-spatter-HISS!
Good thing I used my high-sided spaghetti boiling pot or I'd be sitting here with an ice pack on my seared flesh and cursing, not typing.
The high sides kept the turkey from escaping--sort of in the same way that Twilight Zone episode with the soldier, clown, hobo, dancer, and bagpipe player stuck in a big smooth-sided prison were unable to escape. That one didn't end well, but the turkey fared better. Maybe it spared me from more food poisoning, since I could now be sure it was fully cooked. Pink beef is edible. Pink poultry...not so much.
I ate it, and now have the energy to get back to writing on My New Project. Which is.....
I posted this yesterday on the MySpace blog, and in the interest of saving time--I don't have a lot--I've pasted it below. Give it a skip if you've been to the MySpace page already.
My agent wants a steampunk proposal from me.
*I* want a steampunk proposal from me!
I have 6K words of chapter one on the book I plan to write, which is a good start.
But a proposal needs to be attached. That tells the publishers what kind of a story I'm doing so they'll offer a contract. I want it to be freaking GREAT so there's a big fat check involved.
Getting to that point means cracking open non-fiction books with tiny print and no pictures and READING them.
I'm just back from the library with every book I could carry about 19th century England, biographies of Queen Victoria, what it was like living in Victorian London, and other points of interest.
This doesn't count the dozens more in my personal library that I've collected over the last three decades.
I gots me a heap-o-research to do! A crash course in Victorian life starts now. Ironically, not even 10% of what I'll learn will make it into the book, 'cause data dumps are boring, and I try to avoid those.
Don't get fashed if I don't surface for awhile. I'm busy writing!
In the meantime, go to my website www.vampwriter.com and buy lots of copies of THE DEVIL YOU KNOW so I can pay my bills.
Wanted: one or more cabana boys to drop by several times a day. If more than one, you can alternate hours.
Must be a good cook, like dogs, and classical music.
I'll do dishes, laundry, and the rest of the house if you can just please COOK.
Chicken soup a must if I'm ill. Extra points if you hand feed me.
A nicely rounded, bounce a quarter off it tight arse is optional. I won't grope unless you absolutely insist.
Conversation not required.
-----------------------
Oh-- the party yesterday went well, no ill effects from the food, thankfully. I got the super extra high grade beef hot dogs that are longer than the buns. Hard to go wrong with those!
What a line up! I'm proud as anything to have been the editor of this amazing collection. Everyone outdid themselves writing some really terrific stories. I can't pick favorites; I like them all too much!
So please, check it out here or here and buy lots and lots of copies!
Gosh, it's not like I have any hidden agenda, do I? It's not like I'd LOVE to see this one on the New York Times bestseller list or anything like that.
Oh.
Hell.
Yes!!!!!
--------------------
Thank you all again for the many kind words coming my way about THE DEVIL YOU KNOW!
When I was up to checking email (I've been sick), all the nice things you guys wrote cheered me to no end!
Thank you Erik, Marlana, Rachel. I got your mails, but was too whacked to reply. Hope you'll see my thanks here.
----------------------
On the home front, if anyone's interested, I'm on the last trailing edges of that damned cold, but improving every day.
I got cocky last week and felt up to cooking. Big mistake.
It was pasta and sauce. That's usually something I can tackle. I wanted to do that instead of buying a plate of take home from this really good Italian joint up the road. I'm trying to be thrifty, yanno. A good batch of sauce will serve me well for the next couple of days, right?
Now that I've finally learned to put things in the fridge and not leave them out overnight my bouts of food poisoning have been drastically reduced!
I shoulda bought from the little restaurant. I really shoulda done that.
For some reason--and I suspect the ground sirloin bought that day and kept chilled until just before cooking was less than bacteria-free--the combination of meat, onion, tomato sauce, and heat did not go well.
A real cook once told me that if it smells good, it will taste good.
This did not smell good, but I ignored the warning. After all, my ample snoot--when not full of snot--was not up to par because of the cold. For the last week nothing had smelled or tasted right.
So what the hell, I had a plate of sauce and angel hair pasta--which I got THAT right, by golly!
The next day it was back to bed with cold sweats, not eating, and wondering what karmic debt I was paying off for this fresh misery. I had to cancel some stuff, put off other things, and endure more hours of daytime TV because I was too weak to hold a book.
The only ones in the house who like this sort of thing are my dogs. They LOVE any excuse to jump on the bed and snuggle up next to me. That part was nice.
I'm up and trying to get back into harness. There's a houseful of friends coming over tomorrow.
. . First off, thank you everyone who sent all the kind mails and messages about THE DEVIL YOU KNOW!
I read them all, but I don't have the time for individual replies, and really hope you don't mind this one here on the blog.
I'm delighted you're enjoying the book! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!
What's keeping me busy since my last entry?
Getting ready to go to a MAJOR con, going to the con, coming back from the con, dealing with a bout of post-con crud.
I came home from Project Akon with a nasty cold and between it and the meds, have been flat on my back for almost a week. Today I feel almost human again, but I'm not pushing it.
At the convention, Tom Knowles very generously sold copies of The Devil You Know for me. THANK YOU, TOM!
In between medication comas (or whatever that crap is that allows me to sleep through the worst of the crud), I was proofing the galleys for DARK ROAD RISING. They were due on the 4th, but I begged for an extra day to work on them. I'd not anticipated coming back from the con sick.
Just e-mailed them up to Ace a few minutes ago. I really like living in this century. The editor gets the corrections in an instant and germ-free.
I'm much better now, but, again, NOT pushing it. Another day should keep me out of relapse junction. I'll be using it to plot out a steampunk proposal my amazing agent wants. I'm in no mental shape to write anything (blame the meds, I do, frequently) but can take notes like damn-all and pick out the character names.
Someone's written asking for the names of the other writers in STRANGE BREW, which comes out in July.
I'll get to that in the next post, promise, just letting you know that I did get the mail.
Yes, there are copies left of what's been titled by Tom Knowles as "The 500 Elves Edition."
It has a ring to it, kinda like "The 300" but without the manly abs and shoulders. (Meh, can't have everything!)
And just to give it a bit of class, I quoted Father Tim's poetry, so everyone else check out the updated webpage for a giggle. Hope you don't mind, Father Tim, and I'll take it down if you do, no prob.
Now I gotta take a little break. This has been a fast three days!
. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW is now officially in print, and the early bird orders ship tomorrow! International ordering will be up on the website tomorrow as well! And guess what? The first 500 copies are SPECIAL.
It seems, in the world of signed limited editions, that individuality of the books--beyond each having its own number--can create instant collectibility.
That's what's happened to these first 500.
Here's what happened....
I left for Bryan, Texas--about a 3-hour drive from my place--found Tops Printing with no trouble (a miracle with my navigational (dis)abilities) and pulled into the lot.
The building is HUGE. Way bigger than I'd imagined, and the first thing to hit you as you walk in is the smell of new paper, the ink, and other chemicals that go into making the books we love. Think of an office supply copier smell but on scary levels of steroids.
Inside, I was warmly greeted by Thomas Knowles, writer, editor, and now publisher. I've known him for about as long as the Vampire Files have been out. He likes my books a lot, so getting The Devil You Know into print has been (I hope) an enjoyable project for him. He has a bunch of other projects on his plate, but made time for mine, and I am GRATEFUL!
Ya'll thank him too, else this would have had to wait until late summer to see print with anyone else!
So Tom gives me a quickie trip of the facility--I'll post pics when I get more time--then we go back to an office area where he does some of his work.
"Okay, Pat, close your eyes, hold out your hand," he said.
I totally do this, and my heart's thrumming away. My face hurts from the grin I've got.
He puts that first copy of the book in my hand, and I tell ya--it is a YUMMY dream come true!
I've not felt quite the same buzz since I saw my first novel sitting on a bookstore shelf back in 1990. Wow! What made this buzz a little different was the fact that I'd directly participated in the interior design, cover layout, and a bunch of other details most writers usually don't worry about.
It has a satiny matte finish on the film noir covers. The paper inside has a vanilla tone, reminiscent of the Golden Age pulps that inspired the Files series, but it's smooth, substantial, and acid-free. This is GOOOOOD stuff, and I am over-the-top impressed. If sales go well for this edition, then I've got to write more of these limited edition novels, if only to have such a well-done book in hand.
Tom later pointed out the HP Indigo printer--and its operators get special training--that did the job. Hell of a machine. Expensive. Some print companies have them, but don't know how to really USE them, so the books that come out might not be the best quality. Tom is as much of a perfectionist as I am when it comes to his work, and he is understandably proud of his products.
I am REALLY HAPPY about finally seeing the end result of all those months of writing and flipped through the pages, looking over familiar lines of text, knowing that the words are finally where they belong: in a BOOK.
My gawd, what a miracle a book is! Don't matter if it's mine or some other writer's, a book is just COOL. Most folk don't have a clue about all the work and tech that goes into making them. I got a glimpse, and I'm blown away.
I've got an idea of putting a picture on my website of a stack of these books sitting on my work table, LOTS of them, showing the book's spine with the title, my name, and "Vampwriter Books" showing. Maybe I can make it into a wallpaper background...
So I turn the book on its side to see the spine, and Tom points out they made the printing larger than the .jpg file I originally sent.
I point at my name in that larger font size. "Hey, now that's funny," I said.
Tom freezes. He can't tear his gaze from that book spine. "What the hell....?" he says.
I crack up. This is hilarious.
Now I will state here and now, this wasn't Tom's fault. He told the cover guy to make the printing larger on the spine. He didn't tell him to put in an extra letter. All that happened was that Tom just didn't notice. Considering how insanely BUSY he is with far more important publishing projects, this is completely understandable. The same thing's happened to me more than once, so I ain't chunkin' no rocks!
All the same--Tom is mortified. The first thing he says is they'll do a reprint and ship them up to me at their expense. In the parlance of the Vampire Files, Tom is "stand up."
I said, "NO way. I'm taking this lot as-is. You are not getting them back. No way!"
But Tom is still in problem-solving mode. "We can take the covers off, trim the pages to 5 by 8 and ship them up in..."
"Don't even think it, Tom. I LIKE these! They're much more collectible because of this!"
Tom didn't believe me, but I explained what I learned from artist Brad Foster, who sells limited edition prints of his works: Anything that makes a print run different from the others--makes that print more valuable to collectors. An accidental flaw that doesn't otherwise make an edition unsellable, makes it something to be desired.
And that's what's happened to the first 500 copies of THE DEVIL YOU KNOW.
Here it is:
( Here it is... ) So hopefully, you who are getting one from the first 500 copies won't mind this distinctive little typo. I bet you didn't know I was even related to that LOTR elf lord!
Tom wanted to fix things, but I wouldn't hear of it. He and his lovely wife Barbara and I went out to lunch so he could wrap his head around the fact that I find the whole business highly amusing. I figured some carbs and comfort food would make things better for him, and so it turned out--I hope!
He IS making sure that the other 2500 copies WILL have the name right. I told him he was going to be paranoid about book spines from now on. It will keep him out of trouble should he get a client with no sense of humor about that kind of thing.
Now--had this book been intended for retail sales in stores, then yes, I'd have agreed that a new cover would be a necessity, but in this instance, what's an extra letter between me and 500 of my best friends?
Hugs to you, Tom. I'm gonna dine out on this one for years to come! Hope you don't mind TOO much!
I don't feel one way or another about the number thirteen.
But I do understand some folk have a problem with it. See Triskaidekaphobia.
And others gleefully embrace it.
For those in the latter group who have pre-ordered The Devil You Know... who wants Number 13?
First to post I'll set it aside for ya!
Sorry, but beyond this one I can't guarantee a specific number to individuals. Right now there's so many orders stacked up I'm not sure I'll be able to get them all processed on Tuesday!
. Another call from Tom Knowles of DarkStar Books!
He just let me know that THE DEVIL YOU KNOW has been printed. The insides are on one pallet, the covers are on another. They're going to put the two together, and the glue will be dry by this Tuesday, the 19th.
THAT'S when I drive down to Bryan, Texas to pick 'em up. OFFICIAL RELEASE DAY: MAY 20TH!! WOO HOO!!!
So be sure to check my previous post to enter the free drawing for a 25.00 Amazon Gift Card. This Sunday is the last day to leave a comment! And check the links to my website for ordering information.
If all goes well, I start shipping books in just SIX DAYS!
I've been on the phone with the amazing Tom Knowles of DarkStar Books, who's been guiding THE DEVIL YOU KNOW through the publishing process.
By next Tuesday I'll have the galley proofs in hand for approval.
By next Friday the special archival paper should be at the printer, and they will proceed with what they do best.
I *should* --make that ****SHOULD****--be able to start shipping books around the 20th. Woooo!
So in good conscience, I can start taking advance orders. If you plan to buy the book and want it mailed out as soon as I take delivery, here's your chance.
But WAIT!
There's MORE! THREE LUCKY PEOPLE leaving a comment on this blog before MIDNIGHT CST MAY 17 will each win a 25.00 Amazon Gift Card!
Shiny!
Twenty-five bucks is the magic number with Amazon--FREE SHIPPING!
Of course I'm hoping you *might* be tempted to order copies of my books with it, but whatever, you are to HAVE FUN!
So, leave a comment to get in the drawing, and if you want to check out an excerpt from THE DEVIL YOU KNOW, heeeeeere's the link to the newly uploaded web page!
http://www.vampwriter.com/DevilYouKnow1.htm
And *cough-cough* if you feel like placing an early bird order *cough-cough*....well, splash out!
You may place orders from the webpages--just look for the PAYPAL "Buy Now" button.
You just can't use the gift card to make an order, they're only good at Amazon y'see. (Nobody's perfect!)
At this time I can only take orders with a USA delivery address. Until I know how much the book weighs, international orders will have to wait. I don't want to overcharge on the shipping!
Please --- do NOT leave a comment with SPOILERS ON THE EXCERPT or I will delete it and ask you to re-post.
I shot payment off to the printer about an hour ago, and the printer is sending me galley proofs. They'll wave to each other in passing. Bryan Texas ain't that far down the road!
They will be moving the printing up by a couple days, soon as my check clears. They will print one day and bind the cover on the next. I've been invited down to watch the binding process and will take pictures. I love that kind of thing!
Of course, once the covers are on I'll be dashing home to ship books out the next day to everyone who's pre-ordered.
The website pages will go up in a few more days.
Watch this space as I'll be having another drawing for more cool schtuff!
We're moving closer to a release date for The Devil You Know ! I got an update from the publisher and have been told they've located some primo, acid-free archival paper upon which the book will be printed. It will last just about forever, providing you don't use it for a coaster or to whack flies or as Frisbees...
He's reformatting to a new size to save on paper, which will keep the cost down. Soon as they work out the final page count they'll let me know when it's to go to print.
While they couldn't give a firm date, it will be *about* 10-14 days from now.
Heavy on the *about* but that's still pretty soon!
Once I get a firm date, I'll upload some shiny new pages on the Vampwriter website.
One of the new pages will have a substantial excerpt from the book! Wooooo!
The other page will have ordering information for within the USA.
I don't know how much the book will weigh, so international shipping will have to wait until I get a copy in hand. Sorry! I am keeping shipping at cost, though. People who pad the S&H annoy the heck out of me, and I refuse to be one of 'em.
Watch this blog, as I'm going to have some most cool things going on when I upload the new pages!
Whew--got the last page proof galley corrections for THE DEVIL YOU KNOW finished and turned in. Any mistakes in the book are entirely my own that my bloodshot orbs managed to miss.
The publisher is busy getting out a major release so they'll be fitting in my book soon as they can, but believe me, this service is miles faster than I'd get anywhere else. They are cutting me a huge favor, and it's sure got me convinced that I should do more of these limited editions down the road. Have to see how sales go for this one first.
Soon as I have a ballpark delivery date of when it's in print, I'll post here first, and put up an advance ordering page on the website. It should not be long, perhaps a matter of 2 weeks or so.
I don't want to start taking orders until I know when the books will be ready to ship. In the meantime--be sure to leave a comment at my previous post so you have a chance of winning the awesome Dracula poster I'm giving away!!! Deadline is noon CST tomorrow!
Congratulations!! Please PM me with a delivery address and I'll pop it in the post to you!
I still have tres cool things to give away, so here's a shiny NEW drawing for this poster from the 1992 Dracula film.
Attention Gary Oldman fans!
The poster is 24 x 38 and trimmed at the bottom just above the last line (cutting off Francis Ford Coppella's name). I expect it was trimmed all around to fit into a frame.
No creases or pin holes. Will ship rolled.
I have enjoyed it muchly, and now it's time to let another enjoy it.
Leave a comment before noon CST on April 24, and cross your fingers!
It is a great thing when I clean house--I find all kinds of interesting things. Indiana Jones, eat yer heart out.
Today I'm gonna do a drawing for one of the cool items I've found. This is an original poster from the 1980s film of the Agatha Christie classic, The Mirror Crack'd!
If you like any of the actors and / or Agatha Christie and would like this *slightly* dinged bit of memorabilia to adorn your walls leave a comment below!
The "dings" are MINOR-- holes in the corners from thumbtacks and creases from its original folding, but it has been stored rolled and will be shipped rolled. I worked in a movie house back in the day and collected posters from films that were shown. I rather liked this one, and it was on my living room wall for years back in the 80s.
I'll assign a number for each comment, then run it through this randomizer thing I found on line.
You have until noon CST this Sunday, April 19!
I'll notify the winner and ship it off on Monday if you're quick on getting me a delivery address.
And don't forget to look at my previous blog entry for the link to my interview with Jack Fleming!
. . I don't like scammers. SOBs who wave the flag and praise Jesus while they rob old people need to be slammed down. HARD.
Please check out this post on an operation in Indiana that's cheated would-be writers out of over TWO MILLION in cash with their false promises. Promising world fame and movie deals, AirLeaf has stolen the life savings of some people--his favorite target? The elderly. GRRRR. How would you feel if your parents or grandparents got mugged in the street? That's what this guy is doing, but uses the Net and false promises as his weapons.
White collar crime is still CRIME.
www.airleafvictims.com
www.jonesharvestfraudvictims.com
Next, write to the brave lady, Bonnie Kaye ( Bonkaye@aol.com), who is fighting this injustice and ask to sign her petition so the U.S. Attorney General will get off his duff and prosecute that scum sucker.
If you're a writer and have a convention guest spot coming up between now and June, get more people to sign there.
Next--post about this in YOUR blog. To save time you can copy and paste this blog. Pass this on--PLEASE.
. . Yesterday's post proved I'm no reporter. The Jack Fleming in my head berated me for not leading off with the fact that the shiny new cover for DARK ROAD RISING is now up on Amazon. (The B&N site ain't got it up yet.)
So, shiny new cover:
Plus an addy in case you want to pre-order and I hope you DO cause I need the sales so I can fritter away royalty money on luxury items like food and bills, you know, the usual.
Actually I *think* some pre-orders have been taking place. Just now I noticed that its sales rank has improved. Yesterday it was at the 100,000 level, today it's at 29,000. WOW!!!!
Now....as for THE DEVIL YOU KNOW...
I'll be posting an excerpt on the website--heck, it's gonna get its very own page!! What I'm wondering is how many of you are interested in ordering?
It will be through Paypal, who can take plastic and keep track of orders.
It's going to be under 14.00, S&H included.
I can't be more specific until I have an idea how much it will cost to ship via media mail.
Physically the book will look like a skinny trade size paperback, but it is novel-length, only about 14K words shorter than Bloodcircle. I could make it fat using a larger font, but a fat book won't have more words, just use more paper and cost more; I am seriously trying to keep the price down!
I know other writers charge more for signed, numbered, limited editions, but I want people to READ this one, not just collectors with cash. (NOT that I'm comparing my scribblings to those writers! They're what came up in a 30-second Google search is all.)
The response I get will tell me to put some time in on the website to get the ordering page up. I've been reluctant to do that until the book was finished and about to go to print.
Right, so who is interested in getting THE DEVIL YOU KNOW?
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