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P. N. Elrod

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Kickstarted! Omnibus II on the way! [Jul. 4th, 2012|09:47 pm]
P. N. Elrod
I'm thrilled and grateful to announce that the Lunch Time Reading Omnibus II has gotten 100% funding through Kickstarter!

This was an all or nothing venture and over 100 patrons decided to support this project with real money.

I'm also very humbled by this.

If you've pledged, THANK YOU. I can't say it enough.

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P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, ]
[mood |hopefulhopeful]


This is an excerpt of the novella that will be in the P.N. Elrod Lunch Time Reading Omnibus II. It is a continuation of Vampires Prefer Blonds, which appeared in Chicks Kick Butt, edited by Rachel Caine.

But the Omnibus II project won't happen unless it gets 100% funded. With them it is all or nothing. 

A project is funded or it doesn't happen. It's just over the halfway point. More pledges are needed. There are rewards!

For starters you get a coupon for a FREE e-copy of Omnibus I for yourself or a friend. Check it out.

There's only 14 days left.  YOU can make it happen.



May, 1938

Sheriff Lewis Malloy of Belford, Ohio, didn't like me or Escott on sight, but we were all in the mayor's house and the mayor, who owed us for a number of favors, thought we were just fine. The sheriff had to behave himself, but only up to a point. He took Kircher to one side and muttered at his honor, "Just who the hell are those ambercrombies?"

I had my back to them and was on the other side of the living room pretending to look out a window, but had no trouble hearing the conversation. Escott slipped quietly into the hall so I could focus.

 The mayor made a small calming noise in the back of his throat. "Simmer down, Lew, they helped me, they helped the boys, they're just here to tie up things."

"That creep in the black shirt looks like a gangster. Is he?"

"No idea. Fleming runs a nightclub in Chicago--"

"There you are, then."

"--and it was his girlfriend who found Katie Iverson and got her away from Duvert. The guy with the nose is a detective--"

Malloy rumbled a rude comment relating to Escott's distaff parentage.

"--he thinks Duvert figured in a confidence game that he's been tracking."

"Howard, you don't believe that cock and bullshit."

"I've no reason not to believe it. I am vouching for them."

"You vouched for Duvert and look how that turned out."

"Don't throw that to my face in my own house! I was taken in by that son of a bitch the same as everyone else and I'm still trying to figure out how. You don't have to like either of these men, but I will take it as a personal favor if you could be civil to them. Soon as they're done with their business, they'll leave."

"What business?"

"Fleming's here to keep an eye on his girl and Escott I just said. I know that after what happened we're all gun shy on strangers, but get off your hind legs. They're not moving into my house, after all."

Malloy snorted loudly enough that anyone with normal hearing would turn to look, so I did.

"Is there a problem, Mayor Kircher?" I asked, showing polite concern. Mrs. Fleming's youngest had on his best Sunday-go-to-church manners and butter, had I been able to tolerate it, wouldn't melt in my mouth.

"Sheriff Malloy wants to know where you'll be staying while you're in town."

"Hadn't thought of it. Miss Smythe is with the Iversons, they insisted. I saw a hotel on the way in. Mr. Escott and I can hang our hats there. We can't stay long. I've got to get back to my business."

"Which is?" growled Malloy.

He was never going to like me, but by now I was used to some people being that way. I didn't know if they were reacting to me or if on an unconscious level they sensed the vampire side and it scared them. It didn't matter, and there was no point antagonizing him. In Chicago I might have given him the wiseacre treatment, but being on his patch obligated me to show a respect and hope it was enough. I pulled out my wallet and offered a red business card with white lettering that declared Lady Crymsyn, Chicago's Top Nightspot. In smaller letters were the address and phone number.

Malloy was unimpressed. "Your name's not on it."

"I can write it on the back if you like." I kept to an even tone of voice, but it was a struggle. "Mr. Mayor, I expect you have a lot to look after right now."

Kircher grabbed the opening. "You're right, I need to get to it. You boys go on and do what you do."

"What would that be?" asked Malloy.

I shrugged. "Escott's the detective, I'm just along for the ride. He'll want to see if Duvert left papers that could trace him. I don't expect much. Con artists might avoid keeping records."

"I want to see everything he finds."

"No problem. He'll welcome your experience." I'd have to warn Escott to smile and pretend to like it. "I'll see where he's gotten to, excuse me, gentlemen."

I thought I was laying it on too thick, but Kircher didn't seem to notice and to Malloy it wouldn't matter. Escott was down the hall, just coming from the kitchen in the back.

"Do not open the icebox," he warned.

"Never occurred to me. What's wrong with it?"

"Duvert never bought ice. What was there melted away weeks ago."

I marveled that the mayor had such a big house but no refrigerator. That might change if his wife got a whiff of the rotted food. The odor that rushed out when Escott checked the box was all over the kitchen and spreading. I regretted taking in air to talk.

"Is the local constabulary cooperating?" he asked. "He did not look amused."

"Kircher's keeping him in line, but let's not push it."

"Very well. I was going to check the study next."

"I'll do the basement. Duvert would have slept down there."

The entry was from the hall, not the kitchen, as I found when I opened a door on steps leading into absolute darkness. I balked and, unable to control the reaction, backed up a step. Just under four months ago I had a bad experience in a basement. It left the kind of scars you don't see on the outside. Had they been visible I thought I'd look like that picture Dorian Gray kept so well hidden. Of course, his deformities of soul were his own fault, mine were from bad luck and occasional lunacy.

Escott didn't know about that incident, even Bobbi didn't know, and I wasn't going to tell them. They didn't need the nightmares; I didn't need them seeing me as a grotesque cripple in want of a cage and keeper.

But Escott was aware that I didn't like walking into dark rooms. Granted, with my night eyes that didn't happen often, but without any scrap of light to work with I was as blind as the next guy. "The wall switch is on the outside," he said, flicking it.

The dark vanished, along with my perfectly rational qualms.

"I"ll keep watch so you're not interrupted," he said.

Damn him. He'd picked up that I was wobbly. I should get more exercise and cod liver oil. I'd have to settle for exercise.

The stairs were properly finished with a rail on both walls. The walls seemed to press in, the space between narrowing, but that was just an illusion as I descended. Someone had painted them white a long time ago and it had yellowed. Smaller someones had used the unbroken expanses for artwork; crayon drawings covered the walls on both sides under the rails. I could imagine the mayor's kids sitting on each step and patiently drawing horses, dogs, planes, and self-portraits. Their indulgent parents had not scrubbed any of it away.

All right, if a pack of five year olds could do that, then a grown up vampire could walk down and brave the rest of the place.

Kircher's basement was a lot nicer than Escott's. The walls were plastered, the floor was a checkerboard of black and white linoleum that had been kept polished and there were plenty of lights. It was either above the water table or he had a first rate sump pump keeping things dry.

At one time it had been a playroom for the kids. Miniature furniture, long outgrown, crowded one corner, dusty and waiting for the next generation to put in a claim. The main part of the wide, low room was for storage, same as any other basement. A few rows of folding chairs leaned against a wall. Apparently those were brought up for social events held in the big house. Rolled rugs lay on top.

The center of the room had been cleared, presumably to make space for Duvert's traveling trunk and home earth. That one was still in the panel truck he'd taken on the hunt for his runaway bride. A second trunk of similar size remained here, and that would hold his spare clothes and papers.

It was open, which was odd. Not knowing when he'd be back, he should have closed and locked up. Come to think of it, why hadn't the basement door been locked? That was careless.

I started to call up to Escott, but the intake of breath to do it. . .son of a bitch.


Old, but not too old, though there was a stinking thread of decomposition in it. In the silence I became aware of flies buzzing.

My first thought was that Duvert had drained some luckless citizen and left behind a body that he'd deal with after the trip. With the hypnotic hold the bastard had exerted on the town of Belford that would be easy as hell.

Checking the floor, in case there were spots to avoid, I came around the trunk.

The man lay face up, arms spread wide. He wore a suit, but the coat and shirt were open and his undershirt pulled up to his arm pits. His eyes were open and long faded to a milky glaze. His mouth sagged as though to speak, but other than that he almost looked peaceful.

Next to the body was a heavy mallet and scattered around were dozens of wrapped packs of banknotes, thousands and thousands of dollars.

Sticking straight up from his blood caked chest was a wooden stake about two feet long.

It looked as though it had been rammed right through to the linoleum.

Yeah, I rocked back on my heels from shock, anyone would. I knew the guy, had been talking to him just a couple nights ago and for a second I could not take it in. You know it's real, you don't want it to be real, and the picture of it is going to be in your head forever.

So I looked anyplace else but at the body and that's when I saw an amorphous dark gray blob hanging in mid air in a far corner from the lights. It shifted the way shadows don't. There was nothing visible casting that shadow.

I stared for a long time at the unnatural thing, forgetting about the body at my feet, stared and was silent. I didn't know what to do or think.

Then it began moving slowly, seeming to feel its way along the wall like a blind thing. It made the opening to the stairs, hovered there as though getting bearings, then flowed quickly upward.

That got me going. I hurried after, watching in fascination as it made the top with me tiptoeing as close as I dared. It almost brushed against Escott, but avoided him and continued down the hall.

Escott saw me emerge from the basement and reacted to whatever look was on my face.

I shook my head, one hand up in warning, and followed the grayness. It bumbled into the kitchen and with hideous speed slipped through the back door. I was there in an instant, vanished and shot past its resistance, re-forming outside on the steps.

The thing kept going and was much harder to see in the open. I could only track a hint of movement as it bowled along fast as a running man. I followed, dimly aware of Escott banging out the back door in my wake.

It swept across the dark street, going between houses. I couldn't tell if it knew I was behind, but that didn't seem likely. I almost caught up but the thing suddenly paused and rose high. I knew what was next and ducked under the thick foliage of a tree to hide. It couldn't see me, but then I couldn't see it.

After a five count, I risked a check. The sky was empty now.

Escott came pounding up, puffing from the dash.

"What?" he asked.

I growled a curse and suddenly knew how Sheriff Malloy felt about interlopers.

"What?"Escott repeated.

I gave him a disgusted look. "There's body in the basement. He's been staked in the heart."

He gaped at me.

"But that's not the worst of it."

"And that would be. . . ?" he finally said.

"We got us another goddamned vampire."

To be continued . . .but only with your help!

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Omnibus II is on Kickstarter! [Jun. 8th, 2012|07:52 pm]
P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, ]
[mood |bouncybouncy]


Wow! Big things are happening for Vampwriter Books!

I applied for and got the green light from Kickstarter to raise funds for the P.N. Elrod Lunch Time Reading Omnibus II!

Kickstarter enables a lot of people to contribute funding toward specific creative projects. In my case I want to publish the second book in the Omnibus series. I've a target amount that will pay for editing, interior design, cover art, and all the other details that go into the publication of a professional looking book.

It will be released under my Vampwriter imprint, just like the first volume, and will be available as a print book and in digital format.

People wishing to make this project a reality can contribute varying amounts to the fund using their credit cards and get a thank you reward when the project is a reality and the book published.

NO CHARGE is made on their card at the time of their pledge.

If, after 30 days, the target amount is reached, then the amount they pledged is charged to their card.

If the target amount is not reached, no charge takes place, but you'll have my thanks for trying!

There are five levels of support, ranging from $1.00 - $500.00.

A one dollar pledge is aces with me! I'm grateful for any and all support!

Higher pledges get tangible rewards:

Pledge $10 or more

For a $10.00 pledge, your name will be on a special dedication page with other $10 supporters (alphabetical order). You and 5 friends will get free digital copies of the book.  It says 3 friends on the website, but I've upped it to five!

Pledge $25 or more

For a $25.00 pledge, you get a copy of the print book personally signed to you. Your name will be on a special dedication page with other $25 level supporters (alphabetical order). You and 10 friends will get free digital copies of the book.

Pledge $50 or more

Each $50.00 pledge gets two print copies personally signed to you and/or a friend. Your name will be on a special dedication page with other $50 level supporters (alphabetical order). You and 20 friends will get free digital copies of the book.

Pledge $500 or more

A $500.00 pledge gets 5 print copies personally signed to you and/or to friends to share. Your name will be on a special dedication page with other $500 level supporters.

 A character in one of the stories will be named after you! (Or a person of your choice, providing you have their permission.)

The character may or may not look like you and might or might not behave in an antisocial manner if led there by the plot of the story! I  will call and personally thank you for your participation in this project! You and 30 friends get free digital copies of the book.


This is half experiment--as I've never tried this before!--and half gamble. I'm hoping that enough Vampire Files fans will join in and make it possible for me to complete this book and get it up and selling.

My target deadline for completion is October 2012, but my unofficial deadline is September. If I can haul things together ahead of schedule, I don't think anyone will object!

About 70% of it is complete. The previously published stories are scattered across more than half a dozen different books. I'll bring them together under one title and give them my "director's cut" tweaking.  Writers are always tinkering, and most of you know I'm a bit of a perfectionist, always trying to make it better.

Most of will be tales from the Vampire Files, but there will be some others mixed in.

Best of all, there will be at least one all new Jack Fleming story! It will be one of the longer ones.  

 You'll get your money's worth! ;0)

So check it out, maybe share a link on FaceBook! Click on the title to see the page!

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Hex Appeal! [Jun. 5th, 2012|10:42 am]
P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, , , , ]
[mood |bouncybouncy]


Hex Appeal

This is the big release day for HEX APPEAL, my new anthology freaturing nine kick butt urban fantasy stories from the best writers in the business! Available in print and digital format.

Check 'em out!

Retribution Clause -- Ilona Andrews

Bigfoot On Campus -- Jim Butcher

Holly's Balm -- Rachel Caine

Snow Job -- Carole Nelson Douglas

Outside the Box -- P.N. Elrod    Introducing Marsha Madinia Goldfarb, intermediate witch, and Ellinghaus, a "Chicago Special" vampire obsessed with the Blues Brothers. Join them as they deal with a deadly public relations disaster. (Yeah, you heard that right! The last thing a top secret magical business needs is 60 Minutes banging on the gates!)

How Do You Feel? -- Simon R. Green

There Will Be Demons -- Lori Handeland

Cherry Kisses -- Erica Hayes

The Arcane Art of Misdirection -- Carrie Vaughn

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Supernatural Honeymoon--in French! Valentine's Day drawing! [Feb. 4th, 2012|01:50 pm]
P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, , ]
[mood |bouncybouncy]

I just got in copies of the French translation of My Big, Fat Supernatural Honeymoon.

The title lost something with Lune de Miel, Lune de Sang which means "Honeymoon, Moon of Blood"--yikes!--but the cover is gorgeous!

I don't read French, so what do I do with these?  Hold a random drawing, of course!

If you would like a romantic French edition of the book--signed, of course--leave a comment before Valentine's Day and I'll do a random name drawing.

Here's its page on Amazon, complete with a Look Inside!

If you can wait until Feb.20 for it to mail out, I'll see about getting contributor Rachel Caine to autograph it, too!

You have until February 14!

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Price drop on Omnibus! [Feb. 2nd, 2012|11:24 pm]
P. N. Elrod

Rather than post all over again, here's a link to my other blog over on Blogspot.  It tells of a price drop on the omnibus and explains why the website is down.

Of course you get even more dish over on my Facebook page!

Cheers! -- Pat
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The Devil You Know E-book Coupon Weekend! [Dec. 3rd, 2011|11:46 am]
P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, ]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]


Mr. Jonathan Frid's birthday was yesterday and I was all over Facebook on that one. I owe him so much for his portrayal of Barnabas Collins!  Few fans today realize how revolutionary it was back then to have a vampire character who had a conscience, was vulnerable, yet strong and possessed of a fierce loyalty to protect his family. So what if he chewed on a few necks in the process?  ;0)

And yes, you bet yer sweet fangs I named Jonathan Barrett after Mr. Frid!

I'm gonna (belatedly!) celebrate this wonderful man's big day with a tiny little sale on The Devil You Know ebook.  Jonathan is the special "guest character" in the story!

Anyone going to Smashwords this weekend and putting in this coupon code can get the book for half off!

Smashwords has downloads for ALL e-reading devices! Pick your fave!

Promotional price: $2.00

Coupon Code: DG62D

Expires: December 5, 2012

Cheers and many happy returns!
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Do you think it is possible to write a good book if you never read? [Nov. 27th, 2011|11:38 am]
P. N. Elrod

The title is a question posed by a young would-be writer on a message board.  She added that she doesn't have much of a vocabulary because she doesn't read, though she did finish a popular book by a writer whose derivative crap is selling well. She only reads when she has to. Can she still write? 

My reply:


Unless you get past the not-reading thing, you're never going to make it as a writer.

I doubt anyone else here will be honest with you about that, either.

You're looking for an excuse to get out of reading, yet be a writer, but that's like a composer who refuses to listen to music, or an artist who doesn't go to museums, or an actor who doesn't watch movies and plays.

I'm a professional writer and editor and will let you know you will never get a thumbs up from me or anyone else in the publishing industry unless you suck it up and start going through books like a threshing machine. I can tell who's got something worth reading and who's just phoning in a recycled version of a book they skimmed back in the day.

You are at the perfect age to start, too.

For someone who wants to write, yet not read books, it's completely ridiculous to avoid reading, so put on your game face and make the library your new second home. You will never get the vocabulary you need unless you put the words into your brain. Your brain is a sponge and starved for new stuff. Feed it.

EVERY writer I know is addicted to reading. You just never found the right books that made you want to finish them.

The big fat popular book you did finish is one of millions out there, and you'll figure out later that the writer of that book is not that good. I think the "author" is pretty lousy, but you love that book. Why is that? Because you don't know what's OUT there!

You're settling for crappy stale bread and think it's great because you've never sampled anything better. Just for the asking you can have a gourmet meal of reading. It's all at the library. For free.

You must think you won't be a good writer, so you can blame future failures now with the "I don't read" excuse.

Well, (bleep) that!


Or begin considering a career in the housekeeping industry.

No, I take that back. I was at a writing conference and got a box of free books that I could not take home on the plane. The housekeeping lady who made up my room was thrilled to get them. She adored reading and so did her kids. I helped her load 20 books into her cart next to the clean towels. She'd share with her family because there was something for everyone.

So how are you going to write anything better than recycled crap unless you read?

You won't.

Get cracking.


She later posted a thank you and said she'd not thought of things from that direction before. She promised to go to the library.

I hope it works out for her.

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Weekend coupon for Omnibus! [Oct. 20th, 2011|04:45 pm]
P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, ]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]


Signed a rider today to my 1988 contract for the first 6 Vampire Files that will soon have them available in digital format. In the meantime, if you're jonsing for other VF stories, they're still here. Have a coupon for 40% off!
Smashwords allows downloads to all reading device apps like Kindle & Nook.

Whatever you've got, they can deliver!

Reg. 4.99

Promotional price: $2.99

Coupon Code: CE46N

Expires: Sunday October 23, 2011
P.N. Elrod's favorite short works available for the first time in digital format for her "Lunch Time Reading Series."

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The Lunch Time Reading Omnibus now a Trade Paperback! [Sep. 6th, 2011|04:28 pm]
P. N. Elrod
[Tags|, , ]


This title has been offered for some months as an ebook and is now available as a hard copy trade size paperback from Amazon.

Vampwriter Books is working to have a "Look Inside" feature attached, but preview samples of ALL the stories are on the Vampwriter website:

Will soon update the website to include the new cover for this book.

Hope you enjoy!

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